doodles in class

in the penultimate class on the day before thanksgiving break, i wrote this in my notes:

pinstripes. 1920's. 3 piece business suits. mmm.
nice italian shoes. with a square toe. yes.
expected to be on the ball all the time.
my 100% all the time.
but sometimes my mind is just elsewhere.
so i run with it. i put my stuff off to the side.
and go with whatever is preoccupying my mind.
is that bad?
is that evidence of my lack of self-discipline?
or is that how the spirit moves in me?
i can't tell.
i don't know.

free verse word association

tyler and i did this for 2 and a half hours tonight. here are some of the more poetical excerpts:

man cannot live on bread alone

but by every word of God

word to your mother

thanks be to God

can you be a little more objective

highlighers that don't smear the ink

there's always more to it than you think

as far as you know

take it easy

slow down, you're moving too fast / frames can't catch you when you're moving like that

slow and steady, but ran out of races

[we should interact like this all the time]

[i think like this often]

one man's trash is another man's treasure

i want to live in the sycamore house this summer

it does not envy, it does not boast

but i'm not episcopalian

mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the lord

and i don't know how to ask for things i want

i want the same things i always have

life is what you make it

if you want to be somebody else, change your mind

what a wonderful world

the first noel, the angel did say

they're really saying "i love you"

this is a test

take the money and run

don't hestitate to focus on what enters your mind

Sunshine on a cloudy day

in the heart of silence god speaks

actions speak louder than words

a beautiful mind

it takes one to know one

[are you doing anything yet?]

[enjoying your words]

foundational values influencing daily behavior

girls behaving badly

life-on-life ministry

drink a fifth of hennessy

abc, 123, baby, you and me

i can count higher

[we've been playing this game for an hour and a half]

[it hasn't gotten boring]

human anatomy catalogued

take you over the edge

brilliance in black

must see

magic carpet ride

acoustic bands play beauty

where eagles fly on a mountain high

short skirt, long jacket

perhaps, perhaps, perhaps

all the more, on bended knee

come, o come, emmanuel

obscure and mysterious

sorry i never told you / all i wanted to say

stuck

ok, here i am, in the midst of finals week, and i'm stuck. i'm longing for home, to sleep in my big bed, to stay up late watching stupid re-runs on mtv with kendra, waking up to the sun illuminating my room, for the comfort of family and the prospect of doing nothing but spending time with them. usually i consider here [messiah college] home. i mean, it's where everything is--my friends, my church, my classes, my work, my youth group [i talk about all these things as if they belong to me, but they don't, and i realize this]. but for some reason i'm just aching to get out of here.

i'm also dealing with some major un-motivation. and it's not just un-motivation to finish my schoolwork, it's just un-motivation to finish these particular assignments--reading from this terribly technical textbook [how about that for alliteration?] and writing paragraphs about retarded leadership issues that i will most likely never face. everything else i'm excited about--my native american cultures exam is actually interesting stuff. even studying for my leadership class shouldn't be that bad, but with this damn text assignment... ugh.

i love my roommate megan. and i can't wait to live with her again next year... IN OUR VERY OWN APARTMENT. we'll [finally] have our own space and our own living area. and we can have sleepovers and christmas parties and picnics and everything. it will be swell.

ok, i think maybe i might be a little bit un-stuck now. time to read/write.

busy as a bee

i like being busy. no, actually, i love it. i love feeling important. and like i'm needed. i like running from activity to activity from 8 am straight through til 8 pm. i like feeling tired at the end of the day. i like feeling that i've accomplished something. i like pleasing people.

but what i don't like is being forced to come to conclusions about such complex topics as the nature and mission of the Church. i'm not very good at expressing myself or communicating my ideas clearly and cleverly. and sometimes (especially in this case) i feel like i don't have anything to say--no comments, no opinions, no nothing.

oh, life is full of such wonderful things. things that comfort us and things that stretch us. i like it that way.

reflecting on relations

i am a freaking social chameleon. and sometimes that frustrates me to no end. i mean, when will i start being 100% ME on a consistent basis?

i think one reason i feel like this is because i fill so many roles--student, daughter, employee, roommate, volunteer, friend, encourager.... and therefore have so many various responsibilities and expectations to live up to.

my question, though, is this: will this feeling cease when i get a "real" job? or will this feeling--torn between my loyalties to so many different roles--persist in the real world?

[also, is it terrible that i brainstormed about this idea on the way home from the theater?]

hey, thanks

prompt of the day: Your family gathers for the holidays and you’re looking forward to the feast. At the table, grandma--who knows you hate being the center of attention--asks you to stand up and name the five things you are most thankful for. Instead of the usual, you decide to name a few silly things. What are they?

1. creation
2. cranberry sauce (the fake grocery store stuff)
3. car rides
4. cookies
5. the letter "c"