shh, be very very quiet.

this semester i was asked to practice a spiritual discipline for 6 weeks and to record my thoughts about it in a reflective paper. at one point in the essay, i wrote this:

But I also knew that I was failing in my goals of compassion. On one particular day in October, I returned to my house after attending the after-school program at New Hope Ministries. I was overjoyed about the positive connections I made with two of the girls that day, and my excitement spilled into my conversation with my roommate Megan—I felt I had to tell someone about my good news. So I went on and on about the happenings with New Hope, nearly forcing Megan to celebrate with me. I found out later that week that Meg had had a bad day, and immediately I felt terrible that I was so overly jubilant in her more melancholy presence. I could have been more sympathetic towards her; I could have been more sensitive to her feelings, but instead I was busy celebrating my own small victories. That night I wondered, does being intentionally silent mean that I have to bottle up my own emotions for the sake of acting compassionately toward others?


this morning i was thinking a lot about this question. what is my priority--another's feelings, or my own desire to be recognized?

during this semester i also had the opportunity to study some spiritual giants: Mother Teresa and Brother Roger of Taize. when i think about Mother Teresa and Brother Roger, i simply cannot imagine them celebrating in the face of a melancholy brother or sister. especially Mother. she didn't even celebrate her own birthday, let alone the huge victories of her own achievements.

God, what does it mean to be humble? what does it mean that you sent your son to live among men and women?

we went to the holocaust museum yesterday.

i've been thinking a lot lately about hope as it relates to the tribe of Israel. this theme of hope is largely present in the Psalms, expressing a deep longing for the savior of the world. as i think about what it means for the psalmist to write about hope, i'm reminded that in order to long for hope, the situation must have seemed pretty hope-less.

even today we sing so many Christmas songs that reflect Israel's watching and waiting for their messiah. but why must we sing about hope--even 2000 years after the messiah came, when we have been assured that the incarnation is real? to remind us to be hopeful!

in this way i can identify with those ancient Israelites who had been waiting for their messiah for so long that they had begun to doubt his coming. on days when i feel hopeless--about myself, about the Church, about the world--i remember this: if the ancient Israelites didn't have a perfect trusting faith all the time, then maybe i'm not so bad after all.


o come, o come, Emmanuel.

this needed to be recorded somewhere

the following is a transcript of tyler's computer analysis of a chip he supposedly found in my shoulder. following that is the transcript of the analysis of his own shoulder chip. be advised that tyler wrote--er, analyzed--everything here.


Bzzzbzbzbzzbzzzbzbzbzdownloadsounds
Erin is weird and silly.
And
she is
a girl.
She likes to make dinners for tyler
and buy him ties
and make him hot chocolate with minty garnishes
bbwwwwxzzzzwarp
eject


bzzzxxzxczxzzx
does not compute
Tyler is too awesome for computer analysis
and he is way cute
robosounds
asd;fahsdfladslfafjd
awarding Tyler 1000000000000000000 computer cool points
Human points to computer points is
1 to .5
and he likes better movies than erin
because she likes jonfen
and her seeing eye bitch
tyler is a more premium dancer and many women want to be carnal with him