dream jobs

in the past week or so, i've had the opportunity to visit several of my friends, and it's always so interesting to me to see with my own eyes what they're up to. they all have fabulous lives--ruthie volunteering full-time in chicago and living and loving with 5 other people; julia living in a beautiful old row home in DC, hating her job, but having an active social life; megan with her live-in lover, dressing up in fancy clothes and teaching cute 1st graders--and i start to get jealous. so during all my driving this weekend i dreamed up some dream jobs.

o living and working on a farm with a whole host of people around, getting our food from our own fields, living close to the land

o managing a local food restaurant or bakery, serving customers, providing an alternative to cheap, mass-produced fast food

o some kind of "slow food evangelism" job--speaking up about sustainable agriculture and how another world is possible!

discernment

it's not that i don't think God exists--i am quite convinced of God's presence in the creation and history of this world. it's just that i don't know what God is up to and how i should respond to it.

my favorite things, revisited

1) baking, lately with pumpkin
2) Pandora's fantastic mix of some chill music
3) momma's homemade cranberry sauce
4) playing Mah-jong
5) food blogs, starting with this one
6) Edward Butternuts, when he's being nice
7) Jon Foreman's song "A Mirror is Harder to Hold"
8) making lists
9) snow days
10)crawling in a warm bed and staying there til morning
11) curling up with a good book
12) arts & crafts

.. to be continued

also, Hannah Coulter's wisdom

something i wanted to remember for later:

"Living without expectations is hard but, when you can do it, good. Living without hope is harder, and that is bad. You have got to have hope, and you mustn't shirk it. Love, after all, 'hopeth all things.' But maybe you must learn, and it is hard learning, not to hope out loud, especially for other people. You must not let your hope turn into expectation."

(Hannah Coulter, p. 146)

who am i?

several recent situations have really challenged me to evaluate who i am at the core of my being. what are my primary identifying characteristics? what are my convictions? who am i when no one's looking?

this is a short working list:
grace, forgiveness
hospitality, generosity, open hands
justice - equal opportunities for all
encouragement
community, fulfilling observed needs, feeling needed

... rather, this is who i want to be.

"Not that I have already obtained this or have already reached the goal; but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Beloved, I do not consider that I have made it my own; but this one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on towards the goal for the prize of the heavenly call of God in Christ Jesus." --Philippians 3:12-14

still moving in, getting settled

i'm not a very good roommate. i mean, i'm neat and i contribute to the shared grocery money every week, but i fear that i'm not good at living with people.

i'm not good at figuring out ways to remind my roommates to do their dishes or to tell them to sweep off the sidewalk after they mow. i'm not good at remembering to ask how their days went, what went well and what went poorly. i'm not good at turning my alarm clock off, even when it rings a thousand times.

and i like to be alone, to have a room all to myself. it's weird sitting in the same room with someone who i don't feel very comfortable with, or loyal to, or loved by. when i come home from work, i just want to be alone and relax, go through my thoughts.

but the thing is, i DO want somebody to debrief with when i come home. i want a best friend to live with. i want to be understood and loved and comforted and encouraged.
but right now, that's not really happening. i lost a best friend, and the process of replacing that relationship is so slow.


maybe i'm being pessimistic right now, and everything will be fine again tomorrow.