still moving in, getting settled

i'm not a very good roommate. i mean, i'm neat and i contribute to the shared grocery money every week, but i fear that i'm not good at living with people.

i'm not good at figuring out ways to remind my roommates to do their dishes or to tell them to sweep off the sidewalk after they mow. i'm not good at remembering to ask how their days went, what went well and what went poorly. i'm not good at turning my alarm clock off, even when it rings a thousand times.

and i like to be alone, to have a room all to myself. it's weird sitting in the same room with someone who i don't feel very comfortable with, or loyal to, or loved by. when i come home from work, i just want to be alone and relax, go through my thoughts.

but the thing is, i DO want somebody to debrief with when i come home. i want a best friend to live with. i want to be understood and loved and comforted and encouraged.
but right now, that's not really happening. i lost a best friend, and the process of replacing that relationship is so slow.


maybe i'm being pessimistic right now, and everything will be fine again tomorrow.