shh, be very very quiet.

this semester i was asked to practice a spiritual discipline for 6 weeks and to record my thoughts about it in a reflective paper. at one point in the essay, i wrote this:

But I also knew that I was failing in my goals of compassion. On one particular day in October, I returned to my house after attending the after-school program at New Hope Ministries. I was overjoyed about the positive connections I made with two of the girls that day, and my excitement spilled into my conversation with my roommate Megan—I felt I had to tell someone about my good news. So I went on and on about the happenings with New Hope, nearly forcing Megan to celebrate with me. I found out later that week that Meg had had a bad day, and immediately I felt terrible that I was so overly jubilant in her more melancholy presence. I could have been more sympathetic towards her; I could have been more sensitive to her feelings, but instead I was busy celebrating my own small victories. That night I wondered, does being intentionally silent mean that I have to bottle up my own emotions for the sake of acting compassionately toward others?


this morning i was thinking a lot about this question. what is my priority--another's feelings, or my own desire to be recognized?

during this semester i also had the opportunity to study some spiritual giants: Mother Teresa and Brother Roger of Taize. when i think about Mother Teresa and Brother Roger, i simply cannot imagine them celebrating in the face of a melancholy brother or sister. especially Mother. she didn't even celebrate her own birthday, let alone the huge victories of her own achievements.

God, what does it mean to be humble? what does it mean that you sent your son to live among men and women?

we went to the holocaust museum yesterday.

i've been thinking a lot lately about hope as it relates to the tribe of Israel. this theme of hope is largely present in the Psalms, expressing a deep longing for the savior of the world. as i think about what it means for the psalmist to write about hope, i'm reminded that in order to long for hope, the situation must have seemed pretty hope-less.

even today we sing so many Christmas songs that reflect Israel's watching and waiting for their messiah. but why must we sing about hope--even 2000 years after the messiah came, when we have been assured that the incarnation is real? to remind us to be hopeful!

in this way i can identify with those ancient Israelites who had been waiting for their messiah for so long that they had begun to doubt his coming. on days when i feel hopeless--about myself, about the Church, about the world--i remember this: if the ancient Israelites didn't have a perfect trusting faith all the time, then maybe i'm not so bad after all.


o come, o come, Emmanuel.

this needed to be recorded somewhere

the following is a transcript of tyler's computer analysis of a chip he supposedly found in my shoulder. following that is the transcript of the analysis of his own shoulder chip. be advised that tyler wrote--er, analyzed--everything here.


Bzzzbzbzbzzbzzzbzbzbzdownloadsounds
Erin is weird and silly.
And
she is
a girl.
She likes to make dinners for tyler
and buy him ties
and make him hot chocolate with minty garnishes
bbwwwwxzzzzwarp
eject


bzzzxxzxczxzzx
does not compute
Tyler is too awesome for computer analysis
and he is way cute
robosounds
asd;fahsdfladslfafjd
awarding Tyler 1000000000000000000 computer cool points
Human points to computer points is
1 to .5
and he likes better movies than erin
because she likes jonfen
and her seeing eye bitch
tyler is a more premium dancer and many women want to be carnal with him

birthday love

i'm finding that i don't know much about love... even though i am positive that i have learned so much in the past few years about loving my brothers and sisters and loving the poor, downtrodden, and outcast. i mean, this is the type of love i know best. community love, family love. but i've got to believe that this is only one face of a multifaceted Love.

as he and i strive to love each other, we both acknowledge that we don't know exactly what love is, what love looks like, how love acts, etc. and, realizing this, i was feeling so helpless and confused and lost and overwhelmed....

but when i read over the infamous love chapter in 1 corinthians, i am reminded that "for now, we know in part..., but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.... now we see but a poor reflection, as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. now i know in part; then i shall know fully, even as i am fully known."

wow. so maybe it is ok to not have everything figured out. now we know in part what love is, and we do our best to love each other--and somehow that's good enough.

--------------------------

i’m still learning what love is,
when i’m walking close to you,
the best way to hold your hand in mine,
the best way to comfort you.

guess it may
guess it may
guess it may
guess it may,
it may always be this way.
[rosie thomas]

support New Hope Ministries

dearest friends out there in cyberspace (yes, both of you):

As you know, I'm a huge supporter of New Hope Ministries (http://www.newhopeministries-pa.org/index.shtml)

An easy way to help this organization is through a new Yahoo!-powered search engine called GoodSearch.com. GoodSearch will make a donation to New Hope every time you search the internet! It doesn't cost you anything--the money comes from the advertisers and the stores. GoodSearch.com donates half its advertising revenue--about a penny per search--to the charities its users designate. Use it just like any search engine, get quality search results from Yahoo, and watch the donations add up!

So, instead of using Google.com, go to www.goodsearch.com and be sure to enter New Hope Ministries (Mechanicsburg, PA) as the charity you want to support. And, be sure to spread the word! The more people who use this site, the more money will go to those who need it.

thanks for your continued support.

happy november

lately i've become very aware of how i try to push my agenda onto other people.

the basis for my judgments is, of course, my own standards and expectations, and i guess i can't help this. BUT it becomes problematic when i assume that what i think is the absolute rule for all people. since when did i become the standard by which everything is measured?

in the end, it comes down to the idea that i think everyone should be just like me--same style, same personality, same interests, same causes, same music, same taste as me, because what i do and say is good and right and perfect. God, i'm such a snot sometimes; help me to realize and live with the diversity in our world.