i scribbled this down in the car yesterday

10 words that have significant meaning to me right now:
(in no particular order, except stream of consciousness)

community
organic
balance
gracious
generous
listen
equality
encourage
relational
peace

can't get this thought outta my head

what is it like to be oppressed? what does it feel like, what does it look like, what does it taste like?

sometimes i almost wish that i wasn't a person of privilege. sometimes i almost wish that my family was struggling to pool our money for dinner. sometimes i almost wish that i lived in a more difficult area.

at least then i wouldn't be taking all my luxuries for granted.
at least then i would be truly grateful for what i had.
at least then i wouldn't be floating through life, safe and secure.

[why do i think like this? what is wrong with me?]

the beauty of liturgy

Almighty God, Father of all mercies,
we thine unworthy servants
do give thee most humble and hearty thanks
for all thy goodness and loving-kindness
to us and to all men [and women].
We bless thee for our creation, preservation,
and all the blessings of this life;
but above all for thine inestimable love
in the redemption of the world by our Lord Jesus Christ,
for the means of grace, and for the hope of glory.

And, we beseech thee,
give us that due sense of all thy mercies,
that our hearts may be unfeignedly thankful;
and that we show forth thy praise,
not only without lips, but in our lives,
by giving up our selves to thy service,
and by walking before thee
in holiness and righteousness all our days;
through Jesus Christ our Lord,
to whom, with thee and the Holy Ghost,
be all honor and glory, world without end. Amen.

in conversation with ruthus willus

my little sister used to do gymnastics. then she transitioned into competitive diving. but her coaches always told her never, ever to practice both gymnastics and diving at the same time. you see, in diving, it's ok to land on your head--that's often how you enter the water. but in gymnastics, if you land on your head, you've got some serious injuries coming your way. sometimes in the minds of young athletes, these two worlds--gymnastics and diving--got mixed up, and someone inevitably landed on their head and injured their neck while tumbling across the floor.

i wonder if it's the same with different ministry settings. that is, in the grantham vs. new hope argument, will i risk serious injuries if i continue to serve them both at the same time? will i subconsciously forget which event i'm attending and say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing? will i screw up?

i don't wanna read anymore, i just wanna love

who needs love more--the white upper- to middle-class suburban churched youth at grantham or the marginalized, poor, nonwhite, largely unchurched mechanicsburg students?

[is this a good way to make a decision? is this even a healthy way to think?]

there are pros and cons to each side of this decision, and i am doing a decent job at listing them. but the thing that i don't know is, which pros/cons outweigh the others? that is, which are more important?

O heavenly Father, in whom we live and move and have our being: we humbly pray thee so to guide and govern us by thy Holy Spirit, that in all the cares and occupations of our life we may not forget thee, but may remember that we are ever walking in thy sight; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

toothbrush thought

is the idea of social work appealing to me because it has a more tangible outcome--i.e. breaking the cycle of poverty--as opposed to moving adolescents toward a more mature faith (as in ministry)?

ugh, this is tough. but evaluating my thoughts as a skeptic helps put things in perspective.